OK, people, I think I have worked out what is going on with me, and it looks to me as if the fingerprints of God are all over it. I’ll need to decide what to say and what not to — probably not much here — but some things are becoming clear. Pardon my obscurity at various points; I don’t think fit to explain everything just yet (if ever).
All that pain is from God. It was God invoking the “nuclear” option in my life, to drive back a long-term assault by Satan. The pain has a real purpose in God’s plan (I need to remember just why I was drawn to that girl in the first place), at least some of which has been fulfilled.
I worked a lot of it out this evening, although I don’t suppose for a moment that I’ve got the whole story.
I’ve got enough details of the life of the girl I loved to see that every bit of it known to me fits into a pattern. It looks very much as if she was destined to be what she was, and even her illness and death were destined for her by God. She did, of course, have choices whether to go along, but I am sure she did.
We need to remember that God is not afraid to use pain to help us, and that the only real purpose of sitting in this ruined world is to get saved. It is the devil who seeks to lull us to sleep, to seduce us into a comfortable damnation.
I apologise to my non-Christian readers. This is not what you come here to read, I know. But Christianity is actually true; we do live in a world where souls are at stake — yours and mine — and it is possible for all of us to decide to be a lost soul.
To my Christian readers: if you have a moment, please ask the Lord to guide me here, to help me make the right choices and do the right things. I only worked out what the pain was for this evening. But I am getting a very definite feeling that I am not the only person being maneouvered here for God’s purposes (and indeed the Enemy of us all is doing the same, I see), and not the only person that He intends to do some good to. There’s no way that I will know quite what other business is going on, but I very much doubt that all this is just about me only. Sorry to be vague, but you know how it is when God is at work.